Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Rant

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I'm tired of being treated like I'm still in high school. When I came to college I thought it was time for me to live on my own, obey my own rules and take care of myself. And I find myself feeling like I'm back in high school again and again. I'm tired of trying to live up to a standard someone else has set for me and being punished for not meeting it. I'm tired of trying to impress the people in a higher position than me just to earn back things that should never have gotten taken away. I know how to study and what needs to be done to improve my grades, I don't need someone telling me. I don't need to constantly check in with them to show progress. I shouldn't worry about what else is going to be taken away if I slip just a little. I'm terrified that my grades this grade check are going to be "worse" than last. And my worse, I mean that I won't still have my straight A's. I'm scared that because of this I won't be allowed to attend something that I've been looking forward too so much. I'm tired of being punished for someone else's mistake. Look at me, at what I've done, in the past and now. Look at MY social habits and the reason for my poor first semester. Look at how great I'm doing now and how much I've improved and how hard I work to show you that I'm succeeding. Don't judge me because someone else screwed up. Evaluate me for me, and not what someone else in a similar situation has done. I'm an individual and my situation is different, which means that I should be treated different. Being fair is about judging each person separately and congradulating one person for their success and punishing someone else for failures, if that's the case. I shouldn't be punished because someone else failed or slipped up. Follow through on your promises. You said if I did what you asked and showed improvement that I would gain back privlages, where are my privlages that I've earned? No where in sight that's where. Don't lie to me. Don't make me jump through all your hoops just to not give me what you promised in the end. Why should I continue to prove myself to you if it's not going to matter??

This post is vague for a reason. If you really care to know what's going on. Ask.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The best thing is that it's happening to you and me

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This is a post I've been meaning to write since...well since I got my blog. It's just been a matter of how to word it and when was a good time to write it.

Tomorrow, February 19th, will mark TWO full years of being with someone I consider to be the most amazing thing to have ever happened to me. Of course, we had a large break in the middle, but that doesn't matter. For a total of two years I've had the opportunity to call him my boyfriend (or whatever he was at certain points...) and I have to say, I couldn't be happier.

Yeah, we've had some rough points and some parts where I didn't even know how to describe our relationship, but I think everything we've been through has made us even stronger. He has been my biggest fan (okay...other than my grandfather who I'm pretty sure cares more about my schooling than my mother) and my strongest supporter. Last semester when I struggled through school I don't know how I would have stayed sane without him. And I feel so blessed to have him in my life.

This year has proved to be very trying on our relationship. It's not exactly easy to live 600 miles from the person you love, seeing them every other month or so and only having phone conversations in between. But, I think that it's been one of the best things for us. I get a lot of people who say "I don't understand how you do it." "I commend you for what you're doing." and even "It won't last, you know that right?" It's those people who I have to ignore. When it comes to "doing the long distance thing" it's all about effort. Yeah, it's not gonna last unless I try and make it. And at times, I'm sure it's gotten really close to failing. Saying "I love you" over the phone isn't exactly the same as face to face. I think one of the most important things about long distance is finding little ways to show you care. Hand written letters instead of emails, making sure you don't forget holidays (just because you can't exchange gifts in person doesn't mean you can't find an alternative), and even things like watching the same TV show at the same time while sitting on the phone can help.

I think one of the most important lessons I've learned is how to give and receive comfort over the phone. It's a lot different to try and fix a crappy day when all you can do is talk, no kissing or hugs to make it all better. It's a way to learn more about each other I think. And being long distance really has made us stronger. It of course has it's downsides, there are some days where I'll miss him like crazy and it makes it even harder to be apart. But, eventually it dies away and becomes a little easier to cope with.

It takes a lot more effort than a normal relationship to keep a long distance relationship afloat. But, I feel it is one of the toughest tests to pass and if you do, you have a great thing. You have to have a strong base in your relationship to start, but I think being long distance makes that foundation even stronger in the end. And the few times during the school year I do get to see him, are made so special. We rarely fight and we're determined to get the most out of it. You learn to pick your battles, knowing you only have a few days together makes you want to spend as little time as possible bickering and more time pleasing the other person. When I come home I feel like the luckiest girl in the world because I can truly see how much I mean to him.

Sometimes, I hate being so far away, especially when I think about how long I have to do it for. I just try to view it as a challenge to overcome and look at the reward in the end. After two years of calling him mine I look forward to the time ahead. I can't imagine being with a more incredible man.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Your Daily (okay not really) Psychology Lesson

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The stuff I'm learning about in psych right now has turned out to be really interesting, and I felt the need to share it with whoever reads my ramblings. So, just to set it up, the chapters we're doing right now deal with Neuroscience and the like. Which means, the brain and all it's inner workings.

One thing I found really neat while reading about Sensation and Perception is the, I guess you could call it, disease synesthesia. Synesthetes see or hear the world a little differently than we do. I don't want to call it a disease or say that those who experience it "suffer" from it. In fact, I think it's a really interesting way to view the world. These people can experience a variety of different results. It is believed to be caused by a different "wiring" of the brain, but scientists don't know for sure. They think that the different sensory areas of the brain can "cross-activate" on another and allow for more than one sense to be activated by a certain event. You're probably asking what exactly this all means. Basically, synesthetes may experience the ability to see letters in different colors. For them, every letter has a specific color assigned to them, and the ability to see these colors happens instantaneously. So, when they look at a page with black type on it (or anything with letters) instead of it being a page of black and white they see a myriad of colors. Even before they start reading and recognize what letters are depicted on the page. Now, not all synesthetes experience this. Some see colors when they hear music. The note C# may be blue, and a C natural green. This one is one of the weirder ones to me, but jazz musician Duke Ellington experiences this.

"I hear a note by one of the fellows in the band and it's one color. I hear the same note played by someone else and it's a different color. when I hear sustained musical tones, I see just about the same colors that you do, but I see them in textures."--Duke Ellington

Some people even have textures associated with letters, or they get a taste in their mouth when different words are said. Really there are a lot possibilities with this. Basically anyway you can combine two senses. This may seem weird to you, and I'll admit it's kind of hard to believe. Especially when you're so used to things not being that way. Scientists originally thought it didn't exist, but more proof is coming up that it does. Scientists have done brain scans to see what areas of the brain are active when participants participate in activities they claim result in multiple senses.

This has to be one of the most interesting things I've learned this semester.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Rubbing Shoulders, Bumping Elbows, and Dropping Names

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One thing I've always loved is being involved at my school. In high school I was a part of so many clubs and extra curricular activities that I was always busy, which is something I enjoy. I hate having down time where I'm bored. (Hasn't been much of a problem lately though.) So when I came to Tech I knew I had to get involved with something. Before I found DZ I found S.E.B (The Student Entertainment Board). We're the group in charge of looking up and contacting agents, booking big name shows, publicizing the heck out of them, and then taking care of the performers when they get here.

I have to say that I have the coolest position on the board. I enjoy looking up shows and booking them and when their successful being able to say "This is my show. I did this." (Okay, so I haven't gotten the chance yet, but next year...!) However, I love being hospitality more. Yeah, it's some work. Going out and buying alllll the food the performers request and then setting up their Green Room and Dressing Rooms making sure everything looks perfect. But then the best part is when they get here, especially when they're nice guys. Last night we hosted Gabriel Iglesias and his friends, Noe Gonzalez and Martin Moreno as well as his "road manager" who I never really caught the name of.
They were all great guys and really funny. I was nervous at first since it was my first time actually doing my job, but Gabriel was such a nice guy. Although, the highlite of my eveything had to be our midnight Perkins run. Hanging out with the guys and two other SEB members was a blast. We sat there making fun of everything and picking on the two drunk girls near us. And I also ended up getting some free french toast out of it. hah

SEB has been a fun time so far, it gets me back into theatre, just a little, and meeting some really cool people. And even interships. After a five minute converstaion with an agent from Off Broadway Booking they wanted to invite me to apply for a summer internship with them in NYC this summer. Sadly I wasn't able to take it, but it's still such an awesome opportunity. And I can't forget the time I got to take my favorite band to lunch in my dorm cafeteria. When Relient K and House of Heroes came up we took the guys to lunch and got to hang out with them. It's a really cool opportunity.

So there's the end of my name drop, for now.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Psychology on the Brain

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At the Winter Carnival Queens Coronation the other night a question was asked of the candidates that got me thinking. Neal Armstrong once said, (as I'm sure we all know) "One small step for a man, one giant leap for man kind."All of the girls running for queen were asked what was a small step that turned into a giant leap. I've finally come up with my answer...

As most of my friends know I decided to take a giant leap this year and change my major to Psychology from Physics. To my close friends, this may not seem like a "giant" leap, but to me (and apparently it is). For the longest time I've know I've wanted to do something with science when I got older, and I knew I wanted to teach. Teaching for one, runs in my family. My mom teaches 4th grade and my grandmother was a speech pathologist. I've always known that I didn't want to teach elementary or middle schoolers though, I'm not really one for dealing with lots of kids on a regular basis. So, I decided I'd teach college. Next it was choosing the science field I wanted to study. In middle school I was convinced I'd be an archaeologist, which quickly died away when I learned my schooling would involve dissection. I then started focusing on physical science, which quickly turned to astronomy. I learned that in order to study astronomy I had to become a physicist. No big deal at first since I enjoyed my high school classes. However, my first semester at college proved me wrong, and quick. Which left me with trying to figure out what I was going to do. After talking to Joe and Katelyn I decided I was going to take a big risk and change to psych.

It may not seem like that big of a risk, but let me tell you that I have never taken a psych course in my life. All I knew was the clinical side of psychology, which I enjoyed. I decided I wanted to be a relationship therapist. My English course last semester though gave me a little bit more insight on psychology and I decided I didn't want to counsel couples, I wanted to study them. So that's where I'm at now. I want to combine my love for science and research and experiments with my love of well...love! I want to study why people feel the way they do when they're in love, what goes on in our brains and minds (yes, they are different), and how our bodies are affected. I also want to do counseling work as well though. And maybe even write (a dream I abandoned long ago).

So I've gone from studying the physical laws of the universe to focusing on the way the mind works. And I have to say, so far I think I've made the best decision of my life. I enjoy going to my psych classes every day and I look forward to the new and exciting things I'm learning. Although reading a text book has it's downsides, I find interest in everything I'm reading. It makes college that much better and enjoyable.

So now I ask you. What's your giant leap?

The First Post

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It seems like everyone I know is either just starting a blog, or has done so recently. I didn't really think I would join the trend, but it looks like I am. I'm curious to see how long it really lasts, I used to be a consistent "livejournal" user, and I fell out of it (shortly after Joe and I got together, the first time). However, recently I've been finding that I've wanted to somewhere to write down my ideas, that's not as widely viewed as my Facebook. And after reading a chapter in my Intro to Psych Major text book I decided it was a good idea. My blog is going to be about the things that are running through my mind, the good and the bad. It's my place to rant and brag about whatever I see fit. You'll probably see my thoughts on my new major, Psychology, since it's sort of the inspiration for this blog. There will also probably be some of my geekiness showing through. Like Joe, I've realized other than him I don't really have a place to talk about my love of what's happend in the newest issue of Green Arrow/Black Canary. And maybe I'll leave some comments about interesting Cosmo articles (hey, are you really surprised?).

So, welcome to an outside view of what's going on in my mind, random thoughts and all.