Thursday, May 27, 2010

A "Step" Toward Fitness

0 comments
I took one step toward a better workout today. I bought nice new running shoes. I decided it was time to invest in a good pair of Nike running shoes, equipped with good women's insoles with arches. With the problems I had with my foot last year I decided the shoes and insoles were worth the $80. Especially if I continue to walk and bike like I have been. Who knows, in a few weeks maybe I can start running!

Yesterday was the first day I hadn't really done a workout. It was so hot during the day that Ash's and my dog walking excursion didn't last more than about half a mile. Not only the heat, but the dogs make it hard to walk for too long. We didn't go for our bike ride since it was Justin's birthday. Of course...the Denny's we had instead was so much better...

Today I walked with my aunt for a little, and got to try out my new shoes. Although it wasn't intense or long, I was at least able to see that my shoes help. And that combined with walking around the mall today gave a little exercise. Tonight Ash and I will go for another bike ride. Riding at night is so much easier since it's not ungodly hot out. I'm hoping to try for about 7 miles tonight, maybe more.

I'm also hoping that spending all day on my feet in the heat on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday at work will be beneficial. As long as I can stay away from delicious concession food!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Summer 2010--The Summer of Change and Growth

0 comments
Due to recent events I'm taking a completely different stance on this summer. My original plan was to spend days laying by the pool catching up on books and magazines. I planned on working full time to help support my boyfriend and I. And I planned on getting some school stuff done.

This is my new plan: CHANGE. I plan on getting fit, feeling more confident in myself, strengthening the relationships I do have, and overall feeling better about myself.

Against my desires, I decided to head back to the YMCA this summer. Although it's not the funnest job, it's a job that was easy to obtain. It'll be my 3rd summer there and I feel like it'll be a good one. It looks like the weather is going to be great, the pool is going to be busier, and my boss is going to give me more hours and more responsibility. It's great to know that they're excited to have me back and plan on putting me "in-charge" outside, along with Kat.

The most exciting thing about this summer however is the Summer 2010 Weight Loss Challenge (as I've decided to call it). Starting yesterday (May 24th) until July 19th I will be competing against Kayla, Ashley, Elliot, and Justin Mercer to see who can lose the largest percentage of body weight. My training can be followed on my facebook via dailymile.com and I'll also be posting details here. I'm starting out at 151 lbs and my goal is to reach 130 lbs. I haven't seen that weight in over two years and I'm excited to get back there.

This summer I closed a large chapter in the story of my life. Breaking up with the man I expected to marry takes effect on your life. But, I'm working toward seeing the positives in the situation. I now have the entire summer to work toward healing and feeling good about myself. This fall I'll be able to enter back to school a new Sam, thinner, healthier, fitter, and more confident. I can't wait to see how I change this summer, and seeing the surprise on the faces of my friends when they see what I've worked so hard for.

Confidence has always been a downfall in my life, and I'm determined to work through my fears and unease to become a stronger woman. I'm learning that I'm a great woman who has tons to offer and I'm going to show the world that.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Acceptance

0 comments
Everyday proves one step closer to that actual acceptance. It gets a little easier to handle and I feel a little bit happier.

I still miss him. I don't think that will go away anytime soon.

However, I'm ready to stop hoping things will go back to normal. I'm ready to accept my new and exciting future.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Turn back the Clock

0 comments
I want to turn back the clock. I want things to be different. But they won't. I know they won't. It just SUCKS that they never will be...

A call from him saying he made a mistake won't change anything. I can't go back. At least not now.

Two and a half years...

0 comments
I'm trying to leave the memories of two and a half years of happiness 10 and a half hours away...in North Carolina. If he wants to hold onto the pictures and the memories, that's fine. Right now, I just wish I could forget.

The truth is...I'm falling apart! I don't want to be, but it's so hard to stop. I just want to stop hurting. I want to feel happy. I want things to be back to normal.

I pick up my phone a thousand times. I pick it up, start a text, and set it back down. I know that I can't and I shouldn't text him. I know that what we both need right now is to stop talking. I need to stop relying on him. I need to make him MISS ME! I want it to be hurting him...just as much as I'm hurting. I want him to be falling apart just like me. But, it's different when you're on his side. This was his choice, why would and should he hurt? I know it hurts him to see me upset. But, now that he doesn't have me sitting on his couch in tears, does it still hurt him? I know that it does.

I feel like one day he'll wake up and realize he misses me. He's going to wake and realize he made a mistake, that I still make his heart flutter and that I'm still important to him. But, I won't go running back. He's right, if he made a mistake, it's one he has to live with. I can't go back to him, at least not now. Which sucks, because all I want is to go back to him so the pain stops...

Thursday, May 13, 2010

In the end...

0 comments
...I thought we were going to be okay.


And in the end...



...I guess we're not.



It's time to move on. It's going to take all the strength I can manage, but I'm a big girl this time.