Two and a half years...

I'm trying to leave the memories of two and a half years of happiness 10 and a half hours away...in North Carolina. If he wants to hold onto the pictures and the memories, that's fine. Right now, I just wish I could forget.

The truth is...I'm falling apart! I don't want to be, but it's so hard to stop. I just want to stop hurting. I want to feel happy. I want things to be back to normal.

I pick up my phone a thousand times. I pick it up, start a text, and set it back down. I know that I can't and I shouldn't text him. I know that what we both need right now is to stop talking. I need to stop relying on him. I need to make him MISS ME! I want it to be hurting him...just as much as I'm hurting. I want him to be falling apart just like me. But, it's different when you're on his side. This was his choice, why would and should he hurt? I know it hurts him to see me upset. But, now that he doesn't have me sitting on his couch in tears, does it still hurt him? I know that it does.

I feel like one day he'll wake up and realize he misses me. He's going to wake and realize he made a mistake, that I still make his heart flutter and that I'm still important to him. But, I won't go running back. He's right, if he made a mistake, it's one he has to live with. I can't go back to him, at least not now. Which sucks, because all I want is to go back to him so the pain stops...