Friday, January 29, 2010

Drama

I don't know why, but sometimes I feel like I live for drama. In a sense I thrive off it.

Truly I feel as though I hate drama. However, I always want to be in on the gossip and the story telling.

Maybe it's the environment I grew up in, it just seems like a natural part of life. Fighting and bickering is never fun, but yet I always seem to end up in those situations. Sometimes though it's the best way to get out pent up feelings and aggressions. I'm usually afraid to confront people, and when a fight or drama starts up in is usually only resolved by getting those feelings out. Maybe it's the way I've learned to deal.

I hate being the center of attention, the one whispered about behind my back, but yet I seem to find myself acting in a way that I'm sure it causes such a response. This of course freaks me out and scares me, leaving me paranoid and afraid. I just can't seem to help it.

In the end it results from a lack of self-confidence I feel (listen to me, my psychology school must be paying off, right?). Why else would I subconsciously desire to be the "star." There's got to be some truth in all of Freud's writings.

I know half of this sounds like rambling and doesn't flow. I've got a lot of random thoughts running in my head. But, that's what this is for right?

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